Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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