I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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