the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
