just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
