peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
