ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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