Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
