Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
one two three fourrrrnication!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
