My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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