i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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