drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
