I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
