They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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