I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
