no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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