If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
