just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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