Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
