The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
