new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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