i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
