oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
