Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
