i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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