This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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