I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
