dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
