I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
