he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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