We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
