So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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