even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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