I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
