yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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