i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
