when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Is it penis luge time yet?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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