Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
