Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
