He asked to "fluff my boner.."
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
