batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I need water and some morals
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
