Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
porn star boner night. come get it.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
