It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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