I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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