**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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