In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
