If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
