god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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