I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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