I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
