hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
