If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize