you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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