Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
try to milk me bitch
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
