I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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