The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
