So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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