I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
