No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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