Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
