I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
