I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize