I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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