He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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