I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize