just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I fill condoms, not promises.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
