It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
