About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
